Tuesday, 11 August 2015

I think I have Philophobia

"Philophobia is the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love or emotional attachment. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love in the past but also can be chronic phobia"

- wikipedia

I've just discovered this phobia but it rings true for me. I'm actually going on another date this Sunday with a new guy and I'm super nervous about it because I'm very smitten with him but I keep reminding myself that he'll probably let me down like the others. I always set my expectations low, yet with this guy, I'm hoping for so much and showing my family pictures of him! I'm excited but at the same time scared. I told my mother my heart was locked in a cage, it just has eyes for him but she didn't understand. I honestly want this to work but I'm so scared about this being painful that I worry it's going to ruin any chance. If he notices my instability about the whole thing, he'll probably run a mile! No guy wants to date a broken girl. I've already spoke to my friend about this and my mother told me not to tar all men with the same brush and I don't, well I really try not to. It's not like I think he'll be untrustworthy and cheat, it's more about him not being interested or just leaving me in the dark like the last asshole did. And then if we do get together, the painful break-up would seem inevitable. If things don't work out with this guy - I give up.

And oh yeah, following on from that post about the date, the asshole I was referring to was him. He disappeared off the face of the earth after the second date which seemed fine. He kissed me and arranged to meet up again but then he ignored my texts.

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