Wednesday, 8 April 2015

To you

"I've never done this for anyone before but I want to be honest with you. You were my other half, you made me complete despite me feeling like I was already complete. You made me feel more than complete. I found you when I was at my lowest, I started kick boxing after the abusive relationship and your smile lit the way to a happier life and I found that with you. I was wilted but your light brought me back and made me blossom. You showed me what love was and how I deserved to be treated, for a long time anyway. I never thought I could ever find someone as perfect as you and you were seriously the man of my dreams, yet I somehow got you and you unexpectedly fell in love. We fitted together like a puzzle. I felt invincible next to you, I never had panic attacks or anxiety when I was with you. We were beneficial to each other, like a little team. I showed you things and helped you become a better person and you did the same for me. You always showed me respect and we rarely argued. You were my bridge that kept me up, positive and happy so when you started becoming low and eventually left, I crumbled. I became delirious with pain, I acted completely out of character.
Meeting you the other day showed you weren't yourself any more and that upset me. I feel like I'm the one who brought you down when I should've lifted you up. You used to be so positive and ambitious, but I'd always try to ground you, show you the realistic side of things, that maybe brought you down. When I met up with you, I wanted for you to grab me from behind, give me a squeeze and tell me you loved me in my ear. I wished all of this was just a bad dream and that you were still there for me. I regularly looked online on ways to get you back, I've never done that before and it all started after I had an overwhelming feeling one night that you were the one, that I couldn't let you leave when you were my other half. But to have you treat me so badly after everything made it all more painful than it should've been. I used to wish that you would contact me saying you regretted it, that you wanted me back or at least wanted to talk to me again but that never happened so I eventually had to accept my fate of losing you. Now I've calmed down, I have to begin searching again but how can you start looking for a new partner, when you already found the one? That's what we both must do now.
I hope that I'll always be in your heart, that I'll always be that special someone to you, even years down the line. I hope that we can be on good terms again in the future or that you feel as strongly for me as I do for you, but for now I must live my life without you in it. I hope you go back to the happy, positive person I used to know, whose smile and laugh would light up anyone's day. That's what I want for you the most."

The letter I intend to send to my ex in the future, when I'm ready.

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