I always have the feeling I'm not good enough, as in people I call my friends don't think highly enough of me to think about me often or genuinely enjoy being in my company. I made a post a couple of months ago about finally finding good friends, but this feeling I can't shake off and actually was on my mind today until something happened!
One of my good friends (let's call him E) and I went to a class and we were waiting for the teacher to mark his work. He was about to tell me something but said he didn't want to. Eventually, I got it out of him and he basically told me about an incident and about a girl he likes. We then got onto opening up about our past because we're very closed people and he doesn't feel comfortable opening up, neither am I. We did talk about some things but I got remarkably uncomfortable, emotional and anxious just from the pressure of him wanting me to share areas of my life/past! It didn't turn out too bad but in the end, I felt closer to him.
At lunch, we were talking about staying in touch after college because we only have six months left. E said he wanted to keep in touch but he looked at me and said "I'm definitely staying in touch with you". I feel so close to him, love him for who he is and feel we have a really good friendship and want to keep in touch after college, so to see him feel the same way I do was really lovely. I said I feel we'll all be friends till the day we die. After E jokingly saying we should all wear pink (later changed to orange seeing as it's his favourite colour) to his funeral, we then made a pact of what colour to wear to each other's funeral, seeing as we plan to be friends forever, then said we'd go to everyone's weddings. E said I could be one of his best "men" too which I thought was a fun idea!
To have that moment of opening up and then for him to be so keen and adamant about staying in touch with me made me feel a warmness inside I've never felt before. True friendship is a beautiful thing - it's only taken me 20 years to find!