Thursday, 16 October 2014

Emotional Distance

My relationship with my boyfriend seems to be hanging by a thread and it's not like we've had a huge falling out; I've started to feel distant and don't view him and the relationship the same way. I believe I'm feeling this way because of what he did a couple of months ago, referring back to the incident that was described in this post. I've been wondering why everything he does irritates me, why I want some more space and when he's over, I don't get super excited as much. All of this developed after that incident. Now we argue nearly every time we see each other and he's been having these random tantrums at me which has never happened before. There's definitely tension in our relationship and despite speaking to him about how I'm feeling and him diligently assuring me that he'd never want to lose me, nothing much has changed. He has tried a bit more to help me and our relationship get back on track, but I still feel distant.
It's kind of worried me that my subconscious is so strong. It's clear that because he hurt me so bad, I'm distancing myself to avoid being hurt again, either that or a huge chunk of respect for him has been lost. Distancing/numbing is my coping mechanism whether I like it or not.

I really hope this is a phase that we can get through. I know I love him to pieces and couldn't live without him but it doesn't feel worth it when I feel so distant. You shouldn't spend a relationship worrying about being hurt and I never have felt this way until now.

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