Monday, 14 April 2014

The sinister truth.

I was recently diagnosed with depression and have been suffering with anxiety for about a year and it's getting worse. I've not long got over PTSD too. They're one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I no longer feel like myself and I can't explain the feeling to anyone. I've been getting severe mood swings which has caused many problems in my relationship and family relationships. I don't think straight anymore. I have a great boyfriend but I feel like I don't treat him the way he should be treated. I constantly wish he met me years ago when I was normal and undamaged. I put him through more than he deserves and I just can't help it. He does one thing wrong and I feel like giving it all up because I've lost hope - only men have caused me the most pain. The only reason I've cried this year is because of my boyfriend. I never cry when it's just me and that's probably why I like being alone a lot. Alone in my own world, listening to weird music.

Last year and this year should've been the happiest years of my life because I found my soulmate but instead I developed depression and have been seriously suicidal twice - I tried ending it all in the beginning of last year just months after starting a relationship with my soulmate. Only a couple of weeks ago, my depression got to a severe level and I'd wake up wanting to end it all. I found it hard just to get out of bed.

I hope to survive this depression without medication, though it would've been nice to get beta blockers for my anxiety. I have therapy but it only works for a couple of days, then everything comes back.

If it wasn't for my partner, I don't think I'd be here.

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