Thursday, 17 April 2014

I feel like a manipulator

I feel like I can be manipulative in my relationship. Not in a really horrible, he can't do anything he wants to do kind of way, but I feel I play on his emotions sometimes. I always put it down to me being older and possibly more mature so I take things into my control, but then I worry that I'm becoming like my ex. It could be because he wrapped himself around my little finger from day one; he'll do anything I want without question so he quickly put himself beneath me almost, though I always make sure he's at the same level as me in making decisions and what not.

If he does something wrong, I feel like I drag it out and make it seem worse than it is. Sometimes I notice it too late and sometimes I feel like I know what I'm doing but I don't stop. I usually put it down to me being hurt and taking it out against him. I still feel anger about an argument we had a couple of weeks ago but that's in the past now so I don't bring it up. I do it more if I feel like he isn't sorry for his behaviour and I want him to see how much it's upset me but I feel I shouldn't do that. I don't think I treat him the way he deserves anyway. I try and he says I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had, I have a great personality and that I treat him really well but I always feel that he could do better.

I feel so messed up and it's coming through in my relationship; the best relationship I've ever had and never want to lose.

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